WRITERS BLOCK. I never knew what this means until recently. Now, I got it. In fact, when you look it up in the dictionary it probably has a picture of me. I can not count how many times I have sat down to write something and after an eternity of mental hoops sat back and said, "Got Nothing." So, instead of sitting here whining about how I am letting my blog readers down I decided to write about it.
The "writers block" hasn’t been completely unfruitful. I have heard from readers on four continents to date. "Chaplain, you OK?" I didn’t know there were so many people paying attention. Made me feel good.
To answer the question, "Yeah, I am OK?" In fact, I am better than Ok. We are in the bottom of the ninth inning and my team here in Iraq is hitting the ball consistently. I have the had the joy of watching leaders mature and temper their God-given strength with compassion, understanding and charity. We are bringing America a gift when we return. Young soldiers, battle hardened, tough, capable with a deep understanding of self-sacrifice. I am proud to have been a part of it.
But, the fact remains I have now been deployed for 561 days. Most of those days have been in combat. My get up and go has "gotten up and left." I am now officially tired "from the inside out." It is showing up in "writers block." There are other symptoms too. I have "stupid crap block". When I see "stupid crap" I want to "knock the crap" out of some "stupid crap." Thus, "stupid crap block."
I have spent the month analyzing this phenomenon. Here is what I have come up with. This is familiar ground. I hear about it all the time. The mother in Minnesota who has spent the last 21 months giving birth to her third child, caring for her toddler, and getting her five year old ready for kindergarten, what does she have? Diaper block? Or, how about the person who every day gets up and goes and faithfully does the job they hate. What do they have? Employment block?
Not only do I hear about it all the time. I have been here many times before. I remember enough about the past twenty years to remember this. I have been tired before. I know what happens, now. It has happened every single time, without fail in my life. It is one of the constants. It’s coming and I can see it on the horizon. REST
I am not the only one who needs to rest, and I refuse to internalize the symptoms of war, compassion fatigue, or think that my "give a crap" o-meter is somehow eternally misaligned. Bottom line is simple: I’m tired. Perhaps, you are too. So, hear the word of the Lord in simple, straight up terms. It is neither, difficult or complicated. It is simple. "Come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."
As I write this it is 2200 (10:00PM) the sun has set one more time and I am sitting on my deck smoking a cigar. And I feel better than I did an hour ago. Guess what I feel? REST! I pray you do too. If not now, soon! It will come. Trust the promise.